Cut out the Crap: Have I got the guts to Exercise?

Good Afternoon friends, I hope this finds you all well and that you have had a wonderful week.

I am using my blog today almost as a Dear Diary entry, I am hoping that by blogging this I will encourage others around me, you might encourage me, I will be accountable (to myself!) and this will give me a point of reference to come back to in a months time. Let me explain!

As you may have read in a previous entry I suffer from depression. I have been doing reasonably well until the last month where I find myself having more bad days than good. To be honest I am just exhausted. I have resigned to the fact that “this is just me” but too often I find myself crying that “I don’t want to be this person”. Pure exhaustion causes me to be cranky and moody with my family, teary and emotional at anything and everything and anti-social as I just “couldn’t be bothered leaving the house”. I am not always the nicest person to be around as much as I try.

My food / diet / health in many ways has never been better, I am seeing my Naturopath weekly since getting quite ill in January (this is something that I haven’t spoken about before) and whilst my ‘gut’ is healing and at it’s best in years, my mind isn’t. I am loving a varied diet that isn’t labeled in any way … I have bone broth and fresh juices daily, I take probiotics and supplements as advised and feed and nourish my body with good whole foods. I am at an ideal body weight. I shouldn’t be this exhausted.

I try to tell myself that maybe I am meant to feel like this and label it something like “busy Mum putting too much pressure on herself Syndrome” – after all I have 4 children including 3 1/2 year old very active twins and run a full-time business alone, I put pressure on myself to do all that I do … but I just don’t feel that this is the answer. The past few months I have a great timetable worked out for my days, which may sound crazy, but it helps me juggle it all and because of this I have even found time to attend Bible Study weekly and to catch up on so many books I have sitting here waiting to be read.

This week I read this inspirational and confrontational book “Have you got the guts to be REALLY healthy” … it hit a few nerves with me. I truly loved this book and the research behind it backed everything up which is helpful also. The reason it hit my nerves so much was because I do 90% of what the Author suggests to do (NO, I am not giving up my one coffee a day though as I enjoy it and I don’t think this is the reason behind my issues) but I could also tick off feeling 90% of the health issues he listed as being bad with the possibility of them leading to worse health issues in the future. Honestly, there is nothing more I feel about this than saying it sucks! I went to my hubby in tears with my usual “I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I am having earlier nights than normal, I am eating better than I ever have if it is possible, I feel I am juggling everything well but I am thinking I might have to give up my business which I don’t want to do BUT I am just so exhausted and I can’t go on … something has to give and at the moment it is my mind” … My hubby is pretty amazing and very gently said to me what I knew already … “the only thing you haven’t tried Collette is exercise” …. EXERCISE …. oh crap.

Have you got the guts to be really healthy?

I have to be honest now and say I just don’t like exercise. I don’t like the sweat, I don’t like the pain, I get bored easily and if I don’t see results in 2 days I give up and I will prioritise everything above working out. I have every excuse under the sun as to why I don’t do it … I don’t need to exercise because chasing the twins keeps me fit … I walk to the park daily that will do me …. I don’t have time … it’s too hot …. it’s too cold …. I am too tired …. the list could go on!

For those that know me, they know how much time and effort I put into my health and that of my family. They also know that I am stubborn and so I am not giving up, if exercise is going to make my mind happier than I am up for the challenge. There are 1,440 minutes in a day (24 hour period) … I only need 30-60 of them for this …. it’s about priorities.

My new best friend

I am challenging myself to 30 days of this crazy thing that people call exercise and is proven to boost moods and energy levels and see how I feel at the end of it! Wish me luck!

Dear Diary,

Wednesday 25th June.

I am 36 years old and weigh 55kg.

I am happy to stay in PJ’s or trackies and not leave the house.

I am becoming anti social.

I have Insomnia 3 nights a week on average.

I have poor concentration.

I have erratic emotional behaviour.

I am moody and short tempered.

Even with my healthy diet I rely on fibre supplements daily.

I wake up exhausted and struggle to get out of bed – even after a decent night sleep.

I am mentally and physically exhausted.

I am ready for a change.

My goal: to improve this list dramatically and be (reasonably) confidant in a swimsuit for Summer (this is both a mental and physical issue for me) whilst firming up would be an added bonus to this journey, the number one goal is my MIND. Here goes nothing.
PS I promise to not do too many Instagram selfies of me exercising